we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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