it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
