just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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