your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
