Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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