So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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