I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
