Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize