He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We have started to decorate penises.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
