she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why do cheetos always look like penises
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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