She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
