Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
