Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
