I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
