i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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