the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
