he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
