i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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