There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
