So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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