hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
