I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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