Define "chronic" masturbator.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Farmville is her only friend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
