I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
