If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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