Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
