Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry about my life...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
