We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
