i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
