I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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