Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
