Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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