Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
