I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
