i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
