somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
