Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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