I'm lost and stupid without you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
