This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
