My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
