I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
