The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
