Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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