But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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