separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's always time for handjobs
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
