hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
