he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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