the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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