i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
