Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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