i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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