We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
