I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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