I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
