she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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