I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
