there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
