I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
