I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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