Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
