Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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