Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
