So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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