our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
