I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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